The Cheap Seats

I am currently listening to Brene' Browns latest book "Rising Strong".  In all of her books she references the "Man in the Arena" quote from Theodore Roosevelt.  This has become one of my very favorite quotes.


“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

This  is a great example of those who take the risk of doing what they believe is right, following their values and going after their dreams. They do so risking criticism and failure.

How do they do it?  I have heard people say: "I don't care what other people think." or "I wish I did not care what other people think about me."

I've always felt like the first statement was untrue.  How could anyone who is not a narcissist really not care what others think?  The second statement is something I myself have momentarily thought.  The reality however, is that I will always care what others think of me.  My number two value is connection.  For me to feel that connection, I will have empathy and I will care what others think of me.  How do I do that without curling up in a ball in the corner?  The answer is found in this quote from Brene's book "Rising Strongly".

"A lot of cheap seats in the arena are filled with people who never venture out onto the floor.  They just hurl mean spirited criticisms and put downs from a very safe distance.  The problem is, when we stop caring what people think, and stop feeling hurt by cruelty, we lose our ability to connect.  But, when we are defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable.  Therefore, we need to be selective about the feedback we let into our lives. "

Brene' Brown

Where do you need to be more selective about what you are letting in?

What values are you compromising because of feedback that you are letting influence you?

What could you accomplish if you lived in a way that allowed for courage, connection and vulnerability?

And the big question I think we should all (including myself) be asking... When are we sitting in the cheap seats judging others?

I value connection!

I have been so very busy with business and family stuff in the last six weeks that I have neglected one of my top values....connection.

Knowing that connection is so high on my list of values, I try and schedule time with people I care about and enjoy. Family emergencies and scheduling issues the last six weeks have made that very difficult. 

I was starting to feel disconnected and even a little depressed. Something was missing, and I just couldn't put my finger on it. I teach this stuff and NOW I am a living example of just how important knowing and living a life based on values really is.

No matter how busy I get, no matter what life throws at me, I need to try my hardest to incorporate my top values into my life. I spent five of the last six weeks pouring out of my proverbial cup over and over again. I, we all need to replenish our cup or we are just not able to give our best to those around us.

Lucky for me, in the last three days I was able to spend a long day with a friend, have breakfast with another and then lunch with yet another. My energy has increased, my attitude is better and I am starting to get back to my happy, positive, normal (normal is a relative term) self.

What are the must have values you need in your life?

When you feel like something is missing, do you know why?

When are you at your best?

Knowing the answers to these questions can shed some light on your true values. Knowing your true values can help you to start living a more fulfilling life on purpose!