From Victim to Survivor

Many years ago, I was a Victim Advocate for victims of sexual assault.

Being a part of the process of someone going from victim to survivor was one of the more rewarding experiences of my life. It was also one of the most difficult.

At the time, I was a young mother with small children at home. I don't think our motherly instincts are ever more intense then when we have young children at home. As they get older you start letting go just a little more. Like letting one of them go to Slovakia. Lol

There were many people that I came in contact with during my time as an advocate, many I learned a great deal from. Being as I am a mother myself, the girl I am about to tell you about sticks out more than most.

A young lady who after many years of silent torture at the age of 17, finally spoke out against her perpetrator.

For years she suffered in silence worried that if she spoke up it would kill her mother. The person who took her childhood from her, was her biological father.

Part of my job was to meet the victim at the hospital when a report came in. We together would meet a nurse who was specially trained to conduct evidentiary exams. Then I would accompany the victim to the police department for the victim interview, another form of evidence gathering. If the “case” made it that far, I would also accompany the victim through the court process, many times sitting on the witness stand with them holding their hand. Through this process I would counsel them as much as I could, sometimes receiving phone calls at 2:00 am.

Back to the young lady, who we will call Olivia.

Without going into too much detail, I can tell you that over the years that this torture went on, it happened in many different places. As part of the evidence gathering the victim needed to go with the police to all the locations and point them out, one by one and then describe exactly what had happened there.

As we were sitting in the police car driving around to these different locations, Olivia was in the front seat of the car and I was in the back. The officer wanted her in the front seat so he could clearly hear her recounting of the facts. That is a funny word. Facts. As if what she suffered at the hands of this monster could be reduced to that one word.

She kept looking back at me, wanting some reassurance, I could feel her pain as she tearfully described the horrific things her own father had put her through. I reached through the tight area between the front and back seat closest do the door and showed her my hand, she grabbed on to it. A little while later after we had to actually get out of the car and walk to a remote location, I asked the officer if we could please sit together in the back seat. 

The relief on her face was obvious.  From there we went on while she held on to me and I on to her. Olivia gave her recollection of the incidents coming through in broken words as she tried to speak through uncontrollable sobbing.

Olivia got through that day. She also got through the next several months while her family turned on one another, some even turning on her. She testified in open court against her father. Recounting things to complete strangers that a child should not even know about, let alone have to live through.

When the case was over, I remember visiting her at her job a few times. Once she ran up to me and gave me the biggest hug. I remember thinking “If I could just wipe away all that happened to you, If I could just make it so it never really happened at all.”   I so wanted to take her pain and make it go away. But Olivia, was a survivor. She went through something unspeakable and she survived.

What lessons have I learned from Olivia, a frightened child, who became a survivor?

Life can be inexplicably difficult. Sometimes, we might feel as if there is no coming back after a difficult set back.

I learned that we can't erase our past, but we can learn from and over come it.

If Olivia is any indication, then we are much more resilient than we think.

What are you needing to bounce back from? Is there something holding you back from living your life? From being that person that you were put on this planet to be?

Sometimes, we just need to be reminded that we are stronger then we think. Sometimes, we need a little help figuring out what is holding us back.

I invite you to explore all you could be. Whether it be through counseling, books, audio tapes or workshops. Or maybe just a much needed conversation with someone.

What are you waiting for?

Here are some things that might inspire you to take that next step.

“No Matter What” Audio Book by Lisa Nichols

Video “The last lecture” Randy Pausch

TED Video “Listening to Shame” Brene' Brown

Beyond Reasons Workshop from Productive Learning and Leisure

Mind in Business Workshop PL&L

If you would like more information about these workshops, please let me know.

I would be happy to help you.