Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

 

 It has been a year, almost to the minute as I write this that I found out my mother left this earth. I thought I could prepare myself to lose her, after all, she was 81 years old.  I thought I could avoid that deep, deep sorrow. by telling myself it was inevitable.  I was wrong. 

 The next day, I sat on that same bathroom floor where she died and cried so hard, I thought I would never stop.  I picked up her clothes and slippers and cradled them.  I tried to smell her, feel her, anything to bring her back to me.  The tears and uncontrollable sobbing made it hard to breath.  I cried out to God, to make the pain stop, but it felt like He was not there, like I was all alone and this pain would never end.  My mother was not a believer, my brothers are atheists, and I felt like I was in a cold Godless box that I would have to climb out on my own. 

 As the executor of the estate, I had a lot of work to do over this past year.  The hardest part of my duties, was selling our childhood home. So many memories wrapped with my kids, parents, brothers, nieces, cousins and friends in that home.  The day I left the house for the last time, I walked through each room and wrote down memories that occurred in them.  I sat on the living room floor where my moms favorite chair used to sit and talked to her.  Part of me never wanted to leave that house,  and part couldn't wait to get out of there.  

 I drove off the Island and headed home,  I got about 30 minutes away when the devastating wave of grief hit me again.  Grief of losing my mother, my childhood home.  Grief that just 3 days before my mother passed another family member took his own life.  Grief that I could not be there for his wife and kids like I had promised.  It was like waves crashing down on me.  I would come up for air, only to have them hit me again and again.  I was crying out to God to please help me. "I am drowning, where are you?"  I felt like the waves of pain and grief would never stop.  I turned on the radio and hit "seek".   The song that came on was on AIR1 ( a christian radio station) and the lyrics were about waves crashing down and how God is there to pull us out of the ocean.  I Immediately felt His presence. Although I still had pain, I also had a sense of peace.  I knew this was God letting me know he was indeed there to help me through this.  He never left me. "It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”  Deuteronomy 31:8

You might be wondering why I am sharing this very personal story of grief and loss. I believe God wants me to.  "What he brings us through, he makes us a minister to." Perry Atkinson.   I believe he wants you to know, that HE is always there.  Sometimes, we just need to slow down and seek Him.  1 Chronicles 16:11

"Seek the LORD and His strength; Seek His face continually".

 I also want you to know, that grief and sorrow as painful as they are, can be a VERY necessary part of healing. I am a (recovering) control freak,who used to stuff my feelings deep down in fear of actually feeling them, I feared I might not recover if I did.

Even though they are almost always unexpected and inconvenient, I have learned to let the pain and tears flow when they come  I have learned that by allowing myself to feel the pain, I am also allowing myself the opportunity to feel great joy.  
Psalm 30:5  " weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."  

I have also allowed myself to see the blessings.  While dealing with the estate, I started attending a local church and became friends with the pastors wife.  I spent more time with childhood friends and reconnected with people I had not seen in years.  After the sale of mom and dads home, I was able to bless many of the non profits I care so deeply about. I believe there is always a blessing in every hardship.  

On the other side of grief for me is gratitude.  "How lucky am I to have had something that makes saying goodbye so hard. :  Winnie the Pooh.  

So now, as I again feel the wave of loss, I also rejoice in the blessings that have resulted and look forward to the joy that is to come. 

Combating Human Sex Trafficking one person, one school, city and country at a time.

#3 of ‪#‎52shoutouts‬.

This week I would like to highlight Caleb LaPlante. Caleb is a Realtor at the local John L. Scott office in Grants Pass. He is also in my Rotary Club.

Caleb has spent countless hours volunteering to STOP human trafficking. As the (Volunteer) Outreach Coordinator with ACT Southern Oregonhttps://actsouthernoregon.com/ he partnered with Rebecca Bender Ministries to bring prevention education to local schools.

During his first year as a Rotarian, Caleb brought 4 local clubs together and applied for a Rotary District Grant to bring the More Than A Survivor Exhibithttp://mtas-roguevalley.com/ to Southern Oregon and our Rotary District Conference in Bend.

Caleb is now working on a Global Rotary Grant to Combat Sex Trafficking in the Philippines called the Manila Project. https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/…/Combating%20Sex%20Traff…

This all started a few years ago when Caleb saw a news story about a local girl that was trafficked and wanted to do something about it. How often have I seen something in the news and been moved, upset and saddened, but left it at that? I have prayed for people, even donated money, but Caleb is taking something that upset him, and is moving forward to make a significant difference in this world.

I am so proud of you my friend. I am honored to know you. Thank you for being HIS hands and feet here on earth. #52shoutouts

The Cheap Seats

I am currently listening to Brene' Browns latest book "Rising Strong".  In all of her books she references the "Man in the Arena" quote from Theodore Roosevelt.  This has become one of my very favorite quotes.


“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

This  is a great example of those who take the risk of doing what they believe is right, following their values and going after their dreams. They do so risking criticism and failure.

How do they do it?  I have heard people say: "I don't care what other people think." or "I wish I did not care what other people think about me."

I've always felt like the first statement was untrue.  How could anyone who is not a narcissist really not care what others think?  The second statement is something I myself have momentarily thought.  The reality however, is that I will always care what others think of me.  My number two value is connection.  For me to feel that connection, I will have empathy and I will care what others think of me.  How do I do that without curling up in a ball in the corner?  The answer is found in this quote from Brene's book "Rising Strongly".

"A lot of cheap seats in the arena are filled with people who never venture out onto the floor.  They just hurl mean spirited criticisms and put downs from a very safe distance.  The problem is, when we stop caring what people think, and stop feeling hurt by cruelty, we lose our ability to connect.  But, when we are defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable.  Therefore, we need to be selective about the feedback we let into our lives. "

Brene' Brown

Where do you need to be more selective about what you are letting in?

What values are you compromising because of feedback that you are letting influence you?

What could you accomplish if you lived in a way that allowed for courage, connection and vulnerability?

And the big question I think we should all (including myself) be asking... When are we sitting in the cheap seats judging others?

I value connection!

I have been so very busy with business and family stuff in the last six weeks that I have neglected one of my top values....connection.

Knowing that connection is so high on my list of values, I try and schedule time with people I care about and enjoy. Family emergencies and scheduling issues the last six weeks have made that very difficult. 

I was starting to feel disconnected and even a little depressed. Something was missing, and I just couldn't put my finger on it. I teach this stuff and NOW I am a living example of just how important knowing and living a life based on values really is.

No matter how busy I get, no matter what life throws at me, I need to try my hardest to incorporate my top values into my life. I spent five of the last six weeks pouring out of my proverbial cup over and over again. I, we all need to replenish our cup or we are just not able to give our best to those around us.

Lucky for me, in the last three days I was able to spend a long day with a friend, have breakfast with another and then lunch with yet another. My energy has increased, my attitude is better and I am starting to get back to my happy, positive, normal (normal is a relative term) self.

What are the must have values you need in your life?

When you feel like something is missing, do you know why?

When are you at your best?

Knowing the answers to these questions can shed some light on your true values. Knowing your true values can help you to start living a more fulfilling life on purpose!

GO GO GO!......No wait....Slow Down.

After two days of lying around sick, I wake up on Monday morning with more energy and the promise of a beautiful sunny day. My first instinct is to make lists of everything that needs to get done today, which would also include everything I did not get done over the weekend due to illness. 

Then, that small voice of self awareness perks up and says "In the past, you have made yourself sick again by over doing it. Is that really a good choice?" 

The internal battle begins between my value of accomplishment and the reality of what I can really accomplish. I LOVE to get things done in a timely manner and just be done with it. Which for someone diagnosed with ADD is difficult at best and rarely happens. When it does happen, it feels great! I feel empowered. There are times however, when I can take that value too far. Like using the limited energy I have just recouped to try and accomplish too much in a short amount of time. 

Knowing my value of accomplishment and my own history with it, good and bad, is helping me in the moment to make a conscious decision on how I want to spend my day. 

Our values are often seen as strengths...as well they should be. AND being conscious of what and how we use those values can be a HUGE benefit as well. 

Today, I am going to promise NOT to over do it.  Which for me, IS an accomplishment!  

A happy ending for a local first grader and his family.

 Here we go again.  Southern Oregon makes me DARN proud to live and work in this beautiful place.


Last week, a local grandmother posted a very compelling picture of her grandson Hunter on Facebook.  Later that day, the picture of 6 year old Hunter had gone viral on Facebook and beyond.

 Hunter had been late to school (by 1 minute) and during his lunch time, he was segregated from the rest of the kids with a partition on the table in front of him labeled with a big letter D for detention.  Shamed in front of his peers at 6 years old for something that was out of his control.

 The next morning, local radio talk show host Bill Meyer from AM 1440 saw the Facebook post and wanted to do something to help this first grader and his family.  

     One of the root causes for Hunter being late was the family's undependable car that mom had a hard time starting on cold Southern Oregon mornings.  Bill called me (because my husband and I own a couple of automotive shops) and asked if we would be willing to help.  Of course I said yes.  First, it is just the right thing to do, second, we have had our own experience with a child being unduly shamed in front of her peers.  That picture of Hunter brought me right back to that moment. My heart hurt for Hunter and his parents.  You bet we would help!  

     What started out as us agreeing to donate $500.00 in service to get their vehicle in shape, turned into so much more.  I should have known that Southern Oregon would not stand by and let us take on this task alone.  The vehicle the family really needed repaired was a Dodge Durango that had been sitting for a while.  We enlisted a local tow company, Star Towing and Collision, who picked up the Durango from the family and brought it to our shop, free of charge.  Once we (and when I say we, I mean Dave), did an inspection on the Durango, it was determined that the vehicle had much more damage then it was probably worth (a low estimate was about $3,000).  

     As we were racking our brains, trying to figure out what to do, I received a phone call from a local repo and collections company.  David Stepp and Ron Sherrard from Rapid Repo and Collections, wanted to do whatever they could to help.  I let David know about the shape of the family's car and he went into action.  Later that day, David called back to let me know that he and the owner of Rapid Repo would like to donate a van they now had title of.  What a HUGE blessing this was!  It could not have come at a better time!

    On Saturday, Ron and David delivered a 2001 Chrysler Town and Country mini van to our shop in Grants Pass. After we (Dave), inspected the car, we found it had a significant misfire; a bad window motor; needed a tune up and fluid changes.   Thankfully, about $1,300 in maintenance and repairs later, the car is running well and seems to be in great shape to help Hunter and his mom have a safe and reliable ride to school and beyond.  

     We also have to thank Advanced Glass of Grants Pass, who donated a new windshield valued at $225.00; Advantage Tire of Medford who are donating two new tires; a local resident who saw me on T.V. and sent in a check for $40.00 wanting to help with the repairs; and one of our own staff, Janet Roseen who put her $20.00 into the cause as well.  With those donations and our contributions, we were able to give the family a $100.00 gas card and some gift cards to local eateries.  We are also giving them a year of free oil changes

     When I handed Hunter's dad Mark the key to their "new to them" mini van, the look on his face was priceless.  The feeling I got when handing it over, was amazing.  Our shop, Kelly's Automotive Service has received  a lot of wonderful P.R for this event. However, the true heros are Bill Meyer who got this going and the guys from Rapid Repo and Collections, for stepping up and donating the van.  

     If you are reading this and are moved at all by what this wonderful community did to solve a problem, please take a couple of minutes and send a little thank you to Bill Meyer and the guys at Rapid Repo  and Collections.
  Here is a link to Bill's Facebook Page
 https://www.facebook.com/BillMeyerShow?fref=ts 

  A link to Rapid Repos website http://www.rapidrepo.com/

     What now for Hunter and the school?  Well, mom Nicole and dad Mark sat down with the principle and the policy of segregated (shaming) detention is being changed.  That is all these parents wanted in the first place.  They never set out to get publicity or a hand out, they just wanted to create positive change.  

     Thank you Nicole and Mark for being brave and standing up not just for your son, but for all children.  Thank you Southern Oregon for reminding me once again how blessed we are to live here.  

    Thank you Rapid Repo for letting me hand the keys over to Mark and Nicole.  Now, I think I want to be a game show host when I grow up.  I could give stuff away every day!

365 Days Of Positive

Last year on January 2 or 3^rd I had an epiphany.  I was tired of seeing all the negative things being posted on facebook, heard on the news, printed in the paper and talked about at work and in social situations.  I have always thought that a paper or news channel with only “Good News” would be a fun idea, but quite an undertaking.  So, I decided to do what I could in my own little way and….#365daysofpositive was born. 

I started looking for something positive every day.  It could be anything, a joke, a flower, picture, something about my kids or even that the day was finally over and I was getting into my comfy bed.  I decided I would do this for one year.  I wanted to see what kind of a difference it made in my life…if any. 

I am happy to say that I see and feel joy more often than I did in the past few years….maybe even ever.  By making my #365day commitment public, I forced myself to look for something everyday that was positive.  Even on some of my darkest days I found something to be thankful for.  Now, I was in no way perfect on my #positive finds.  Some days I forgot and others I just got lazy.  I tried to make up for most of the missed days by adding in an extra positive for a few days, but I am sure I am still in a bit of a deficit.

The important thing is that I am happier because of my commitment to find the #positive in every day life.  #365daysofpositive seems to have reached beyond me.  I have been blessed to have people stop me around town to tell me how much they have loved my #positive posts.  I have even had a few people in other countries tell me they appreciate #365daysofpositive.  I am so grateful that people took the time to let me know it affected them in a positive way.

I want to point out however that I am not always happy.  In fact, what I have found is that in order to feel that joy, I must also allow myself to feel sorrow and pain.  Sometimes pain so deep, it felt like I would never come back.  Rather then masking the pain, or burying it beneath work and general busyness, (a skill I have mastered) I took time to grieve, hurt or even get angry.  I also took time out to pray more, thank God for what I do have and ask to be shown the lessons in my trials. 

As 2014 comes to an end, so does my commitment to posting #365daysofpositive, but I will not stop looking the #positive everyday.  It has made such a profound difference in my life that I would be crazy to stop now.  

For 2015 I pan on looking for #blessings in disguise and creating a life based on the #values that God has placed in my heart.

May you find 2015 to be a year filled with #positive #blessings and much more.