The ultimate case for what NOT to do when networking

When I wrote this blog, I was still a bit upset by what happened.  It is not my usual happy, positive tone, but I am posting it anyway.  I think it is important to make this point.  

I hope you enjoy it!                                

Recently I was at a networking event that I hosted called Walk and Talk.  We had some familiar faces and a couple of new people I had never met before attend.  I was very excited to make new contacts and see if these were people I wanted to continue a business relationship with from here. 

As we were getting ready to start our networking and walking I wanted to make sure to lay down some ground rules.  I said " Now, I just want to establish some ground rules.  We are not here to sell to each other, we are here to develop relation..." when one of the new attendees  interrupts me and says "I am going to pass out my son's business cards.  He is a handyman.  He is really good. You should hire him."  

After he was done trying to sell his son's services to us, I finished up the ground rules and said "Okay, let's pair up for our first lap..." (we were walking in a mall) when he interrupts again and says pointing at me "I want to walk with you."  I finished pairing people up explained that we had half a lap to talk about our business and then we needed to switch and let the other person talk.   

As we start our netwalking, my first question to my new found friend (enter sarcastic tone here) is.."So, you said you do marketing. What kind of marketing?"  "All kinds.  I want to be paid to do what I am doing for my son."  I did what I would do for anyone, which was ask more clarifying questions and even gave him some ideas on how maybe he could do that to make money.  When we were almost done with our lap he finally says "I want to know about what you do."     I start to explain some of the things I do for my clients when interrupts for third time and excitedly says "That's what I want to do!"  He then proceeds to tell me why he would be good at what I do. 

He talks about how wonderful he is until we stop where we were to switch and talk to someone else for a lap.  As others are finishing their conversations, he is still talking about himself and then he finally says "So, I will go out and get some customers, then, I will call you (as he mimics a phone with his hand to his ear) and you can tell me what to do."  YES HE JUST WENT THERE     I kindly yet firmly said "I actually get paid for that." To which he replies as he playfully pushes my shoulder....."Not if we are friends...right?!"  Seriously...I couldn't make this stuff up.

To make a long story short, my conversations with him did not get any better as the hour went on. 

My interaction with this man was wrong on so many levels that it is almost difficult to conceive that one person could be that rude, arrogant or clueless. I am not an expert, but I did not get the feeling that he was disabled or had any other mental or social disorder.  He was just all about HIM.

The moral of my story?  Experts in their field are experts because they have taken the time, money and hands on experience to get there.  If you want to take them to coffee and pick their brain you should expect to pay for their time.  Or, at the very least, offer to help them in some way in return.  Can you refer them to someone who might be a potential client or referral source? Unfortunately I am probably guilty of not doing enough to repay those who have helped me.

Lasting and beneficial business relationships are established by creating trust.  In most cases trust takes time, nurturing and proof we are worthy of it.  So, next time you get really excited to tell someone what you are thinking....take a breath and let them finish their sentence. 

In other words heed the saying:
          "We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak."

                               Epictetus

Before you walk into an event or even coffee with a colleague try checking your motives before you go in. 

What do you want these people to learn about you and more importantly, how can you help them?  This is help to make the experience better for both of you.  Happy Networking! 

So, here I am sitting in my blanket fort.......

So, here I am sitting in my blanket fort......

No really, I totally am! I dropped my youngest off at Young Life in Grants Pass 

so he go be a kid and have fun. I came home to get a little more work done and go to bed early.

Then I was sitting at my computer starting to work and I thought “Blanket Fort!

 I want to build a blanket fort!” So, I did.

And why not? Just because I am an “adult” does not mean I should not have fun doing

some of the same things I enjoyed as a kid. I LOVED blanket forts growing up. Then when I

had kids, who do you think was the first person to suggest “the kids” build a blanket fort?

Now the kids are too old (or so they think) to do silly kid stuff anymore.

A grownup is a child with layers on.  ~Woody Harrelson

I spend a lot of time being serious.  I attend meetings, wear suits, hold people

accountable and I am the person that others come to for help much of the time.

 I enjoy all of those things. I am that person...most of the time.

 The other part of me loves to laugh. I love to be completely silly. I have

even been known to roll around on the floor with duct tape stuck to my rear end trying to

be the one with the most q-tips stuck to me. You should try it, it is harder then you think!

Some of my most creative and productive ideas come from my not caring what anyone

else thinks and just going with my gut.  Having a little fun with my inner child.  There are

some very serious people in this world shooting at each other with marshmallows through

PVC pipes thanks to my inner child.  Imagine what barriers could be broken down if we

just let our hair down and let people see the softer or silly side of us now and then. Imagine

if no one was intimidated by anyone else, what we could accomplish.

So, as I sit here alone in my fort,

 (except for the two dogs a cat and the squeaky toy that is now under my left leg)

 I encourage you to peel back some of those adult layers this week, do something you loved as a kid,

Just don't hurt yourself.

Ride on a shopping cart though the parking lot of your local grocery store. Skip down the

street instead of walking. Invite some friends over and play monopoly or to do each others hair.

 (Those of you who no longer have hair, let your wife draw a pretty picture on your head. 

Just a suggestion to my husband Dave!)

Watch old cartoons or eat whipped cream straight out of the can (my personal favorite).

Life is too short to always be serious, to always be working.  I could have gotten some

“work” done tonight, but I think my soul needed to sit in my fort instead.

I would love your comments below with some of your favorite child like things to do.

YOU'RE IT!

+Sara Riechers 
+dave kelly 
+Tama Meister
+Lisa Pepper Satkin
+Bethany Kelly 

Grateful

  I am feeling especially Grateful this week.  For most of you who know me, you now that I am a fairly positive person.  I don't like to focus on the negative.  But, I have to admit 2012 was a pretty tough year for me.  Yes, I lost my father at the beginning of the year.   I also however, was hurt by someone that I loved and trusted.  It was then that I started to lose faith.  I started to lose faith in humanity really.  I had this thought that no matter what I did, people were always going to try and take advantage of, or hurt me in some  way.  

    Luckily I signed up for a 6 month long “Train the Trainers” course through a company called Productive Learning and Leisure.  I have been taking weekend courses through PL&L for about 3 years now and this was the logical next step.  Thanks to PL&L I was able to start sorting through and challenging my unproductive thinking.

     I also started to be thankful for the little things and some not so little things.  I was Grateful and thanked God for my children.  Grateful for my mother, my husband, extended family and friends.  I even started being thankful for my soft bed, fuzzy pajamas and our dogs that drive me crazy.  What I found was, the more grateful I had become for the small things, the more wonderful the world around me became.

     Today, I am grateful to live in a community full of people who are so willing to give.  I am grateful for some of the best clients in the world and for all the wonderful people I met last month.  I am in awe that we could throw out an idea about a food drive and have such an overwhelming response.

     Thank you to all who participated in the “WIPE OUT” hunger event at Kelly’s Automotive Service.    Some of you donated more than your fair share, some helped with publicity and others offered to help make this an even better event next year.  Most of all, thank you for reminding me how wonderful people can be.  Thank you for helping to restore my faith and reminding me that if we work together anything is possible. 

“Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. And let faith be the bridge you build to overcome evil and welcome good.” 

― Maya Angelou

     My hope in writing this blog is that you can learn from the lessons I have already been given.  I know for sure my learning is never done and I hope I can pass something useful on to you.  

I'm in Violation of what?

This is actually something I wrote a few months ago and forgot to post!  Enjoy!


Why don't all dentists include a glass of wine BEFORE your appointment and a foot rub WHILE you are getting your x rays and exam? This could be a whole new income stream.  We could all go to Le Dentist for a relaxing Molar removal or Root canal. :)   Although I must admit after a glass of wine, I might be a bit talkative, which could  make the job for Le Dentist a bit difficult.  Then there is the whole alcohol thins the blood thing....okay, so maybe it is not such a great idea.  One can dream.  I am still pulling for the foot rub.

So, I am sitting there in my dentist's chair ( who also happens to be my friend) and I am hearing things like, "Inclusion, watch, m/o, deposit, Oclusa"l (which sounds very accusatory to me) and a lot more that sounded like Slovak to me.  ( All of the a fore mentioned terms are most likely wrong and just my warped sense of interpretation) Then came the big one "Violation of biologic width".  What?  I am in violation?  Is there a dental police officer  nearby who is going to write me a ticket?  How do I pay for that?  Will there be an arraignment?   Will the tooth fairy bail me out?  Will I have a chance to make an Oral argument?

Once we are done with the exam, my friend the dentist breaks it down into terms I can understand. "Flossing is a good thing."  Yeah, I say,  I know....I started flossing almost every day two weeks ago because I knew I was coming to see you.  (Insert a  big Aren't I a good girl? look here) "Pretty sure, you had all these cavities before two weeks ago."  Cavities!  I have cavities?  Can't be.  

I actually went in because I broke my tooth. Well, to be honest my friend called me when she got back from vacation and said "I have an appointment for you on Wednesday for your broken tooth."  I thought I would go in, get my exam and x-rays, my cleaning, a crown for the broken tooth and be on my way.  But Nooooo.  Apparently there is this stringy thing called floss, that I should have been using every day!  Even before two weeks ago!  My friend says "It is kind of like my saying I will bring my car in for an oil change every two years."   I say.... And, you can get a new engine while you are there!  Then,  I get the look....She made her point.  Okay, okay, flossing is good.   (But so are foot rubs...just sayin) "Flossing" she says. Yes ma'am. I say  "Flossing!"  Yes DOCTOR (Insert sarcasm here.)

While I was lying there in the chair looking up at the ceiling, I thought "This would be a great place to put a testimonial  about the shops!   We could put a sign up there that says ...WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR VEHILCE SERVICED?  I ONLY TRUST KELLY'S AUTOMOTIVE SERVICE WITH MY VEHICLES".    I didn't bring that up yet.  I think I might need to give her some of that feel good gas first....But I did leave with two follow up appointments and a tub of prescription strength fluoride toothpaste and a renewed determination to use the stringy thing to the best of my ability....So help me God.

+Sara Riechers
+Bethany Taylor Kelly
+dave kelly

Are you passionate about what you do?

"Chase down your passion like it's the last bus of the night"  Terri Guillemets

I am very blessed to have been put in a position where I can coach and inspire those around me, especially business professionals.  One thing I always tell people is; if you are not passionate about what you are trying to inspire in others, how do you expect them to be passionate about it? 

Are you passionate about your business?  Do you enjoy what you are doing?  If the answer is yes, then when you are talking about it, don't just tell people, show them how you feel. 

We all get into the rut of our day to day lives and sometimes we lose sight of why we are in the business or job we are in.  So, how can you tap into that passion?

I encourage you to ask yourself these questions:

What is your favorite thing about what you do? 

If your answer is " I get to help people" that's great. But what is it about helping those people that makes your internal cash register go Cha-ching! 

There are several things that I love about coaching and training.  One of them is when I am conducting a training session and some of the people that are in the room are shaking their heads in agreement and their faces light up because they just "got it".  Oh yeah, cha-ching! 

When someone comes up to me weeks or months later after I have met with them and they say "I did what you told me to do....and it worked!  Thank you!"  I must admit, there have been times when I don't even remember the conversation, but the fact that something I said or did had a positive influence on their life....cha-ching! 

Who are your favorite clients?

If you really start to think about the clients you love most, the passion and enthusiasm comes through automatically.  You may find yourself smiling while you are thinking about them or maybe even crying. 

When I think about some of the women I had the pleasure to work with as an advocate for victims of sexual assault, I can almost put myself right back in that moment.  The feelings are still so real.  It's a great way to get reconnected to my why. 

Maybe your passion comes from something completely different.  Maybe you enjoy the challenge of your work or the physical nature of it.  If you build things, you might love seeing the finished product.

Whatever it is about what you do that makes you happy, I hope you will start to focus on that.  When you talk about what you do to others, your happiness will come through.  More importantly however, you will feel that passion build up inside of you.  When you have the passion and purpose in what you do, motivation comes easily.

"What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us" Henry Dave Thoreau

I hope you are able to tap into what lives within you and share it with the world.

Who is your Hero?

                                    

     There has been a lot of talk lately about the Lance Armstrong fiasco.  Although I am sure it will  blow over just like the Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant and Brett Favre scandals eventually did.  Recently,while in the Bay Area I saw the headline of one of the major newspapers front page with the words “LIAR AND CHEAT” over Armstrong’s’ picture.  I listened to the news reporters on both the T.V. and radio vehemently denounce him.  I was struck at how quickly we turn on those whom WE have placed on pedestals in the first place.  I am not defending any of these people and I am very disappointed in each of them, but they are not nor were they ever someone I saw as a hero.

     I am a HUGE football fan myself.  I absolutely love watching my 49ers play and I can be very passionate about the game and the players.  I love watching talented players make great plays.  I love it even more when after the game they are humble and have kind words about the other players and the coaches.  But they are not my hero's. I would LOVE to meet former NFL Coach and turducken eating (A Turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken) John Madden.  I think he is funny and smart and it would be so COOL to hang out with him and watch a football game.  But John is not one of my heroes. 

     I only have a few mortals that come to mind that I consider heroes.  Someone like Jimmy Carter who (Politics aside) has dedicated his life to peace negotiations, eradication of disease and helped to found Habitat for Humanity.  I don't have to agree with everything he has ever said or done, but I  admire his heart and genuine desire to help people.  Someone like Mother Teresa who's service to the poor and lost could fill the rest of this blog and more.

  I am blessed to be able to hang out with my true Hero's,  my children.  Each one of them has overcome a significant challenge or taken a chance in ways that I don't think I could have at their age.   Our son Austin will perform in "A Midsummer Night's Dream"  at his high school this week.  He will be playing one of the lead characters.  I think it is admirable for a shy teenager to get up and take that risk.  Let's face it, many adults don't have the guts to do something like that.  But for a kid with Tourettes Syndrome to do it?  Well, that is just amazing to me. 

    I have often tried to put myself in Austin's shoes.  I don’t believe I would have handled having Tourettes as well as he has.  Austin continues to move forward in school, he is  a part of Young Life and now, performing in his second play.  He has never used his “disability” as an excuse to hold him back. 

     When I think of all the small things I have let hold me back in life, the chances I have not taken for fear of ridicule,  I am in awe of my son.  He has taught me more than most adults and shown more courage and determination than any sports figure or celebrity I have seen. 

         I will continue to admire the sports players and celebrities that I enjoy watching.  I may get even mad or disappointed when they fall from grace.  But, I hope I never put any of them on  a pedestal that I have created and then let it take so much of my precious time or thoughts when they do fall.  Because we are all human, and we will all make mistakes and fall from grace. 

     In the meantime, my true heroes I keep close to my heart.  The ones I see moving forward and taking chances.  People like my son Austin, who has already taught me many things.  I can't wait to see what else I can learn from him. 

Can't Buy Happiness?

     The other day, I was in the drive through at Starbucks getting some much needed caffeine for my 6 hour drive to the Bay Area.  I paid for my drink, got my change and waited for my drink to arrive.  Then, I thought about something my friend Jennifer Tolley had told me the week prior.  Recently she had gone through the Starbucks drive through and someone ahead of her had paid for her drink.  So, that is what I decided to do.  

     I gave the girl $5.00 and asked her to please pay for the next persons drink and if there was any money left over to put it in the tip jar.  She was more than happy to do that.  In fact she told me “I love it when this happens.  Sometimes we can get quite a stream of this going.”  She thanked me, and once I had my drink in my hand I was on my way.

    Here is the best part though.  I left with a huge smile on my face.  I couldn't stop smiling!  There was no one behind me in line when I did this, so every person I saw pull into the parking lot on my way out, I thought “Maybe it’s you!”   As I pulled around the corner I saw the next person in line in the drive through.  I got even more excited.  I imagined how happy and surprised she might be, how it could really make her day.  Maybe she would go back to work and be especially nice to her clients or co workers.  Maybe she would pay for the next person and the feeling would continue.  I was getting more excited by the second!

   I spent $5.00.  Just five dollars and that gave me quite a bit of happiness!  Now, let me get something straight; I did this for me.  I love the feeling I get when I help someone.  I love to day dream about the possible impact I might have on someone else’s life.  It is not because I am some fabulous unselfish person.  That is my pay off.  My internal cash register is set for certain pay off’s and this is one of them.  J

   As I was writing this blog, it occurred to me that the young lady in the drive through window was most likely impacted as well.  Maybe she would be in a better mood or have a better day because of this five dollar investment. 

     I guess my point is, I want you to be a little selfish today.  Do something for someone else because it makes you feel good!  It does not have to involve money.  You could compliment someone on their hair, clothes, purse or children.  Maybe you could let someone go in front of you when waiting in line.  What ever it is, I hope it makes you feel good.  I hope it puts a smile on your face and makes your day better.  I am going to imagine that you are out there right now, doing something fabulous.  My internal cash register will be cha chinging all day.  Totally worth the five bucks!    

+jennifer@bnioregon.com 

+Anne Herrick 

+Curtis Barnes 

+Cori Murphy - The College Authority 

+dave kelly 

+Ed Wilson 

+Julie Niles-Fry 

+Sandi Garoutte 

+Lisa Pepper Satkin